The Blueprint for Flirting

In my recent posts, I’ve been discussing various tips and techniques for taking your flirting to the next level.  Today, let’s take a step back and talk about the order in which to use these techniques.  Let’s talk about a blueprint for flirting.

It’s important to understand the stages of flirting with a woman, whether for the first time or the hundredth. While no rule is absolute, these guidelines will help your interactions reach new levels of intimacy and fun.

Here’s the basic blueprint:

Assertive Greeting > Fun Banter > Pick a Detail that Says Something About Her > Connect on Emotion > Tell a Personal Story > Repeat > Ask for the Next Step

  1. Assertive Greeting
    When you greet her, it can be as simple as “hello” or something more creative. What matters is that you don’t put her on a pedestal in your greeting or early interactions. Women, despite what they may sometimes say, usually don’t react well to being put on a pedestal early in an interaction – they know they haven’t earned it, so you must either a) be up to something or b) not accustomed to dealing with women of their beauty.
    A good greeting:  “Hello there.”
    A bad greeting:  “Hello beautiful.”  Or “My heart skipped a beat just looking at your photos.”
  2. Fun Banter
    We covered this in an earlier post.  Don’t jump right into facts or “what are you doing” kind of talk or deep conversation.  The most important part of the Fun Banter phase is to show her that YOU ARE FUN to spend time with. Women have an incredible radar for avoiding boring or awkward situations and are quite adept at predicting them.  Using your techniques for banter, have a good time. Keep it silly and fun.
  3. Pick a detail that says something about her.
    After you’ve made her laugh with your banter a few times and the two of you have established a fun vibe, pick a detail out of something she says that seems to reveal something about her personality.  If she says, “I didn’t want to exercise today, but I did anyway” you can pick out the detail that she has a certain dedication.  If she says she likes to ride motorcycles, you can pick out the detail that she likes danger and adventure. The important thing is that you’re transitioning from Fun Banter to a conversation about who she really is. This is an important step in the conversation and transitions you to slightly more meaningful conversation. It also shows that you’re evaluating her, which is crucial for when you later compliment her. She will enjoy it more if she’s earned it.
  4. Connect on emotion.
    We covered this in a previous post. Now that you’ve selected a detail, connect with her on the emotion of what she’s saying, not just the facts.
  5. Tell a personal story.
    Just as you are exploring the kind of woman she is, she needs to understand the kind of guy you are. Now that you’ve connected on emotion, relate that point to a story about yourself. Don’t brag – she’ll see it as an attempt to impress her. But tell her a story – it should be long enough that it takes a few minutes to tell — that communicates something about your personality and how much you love life.  Done well, this will be very attractive and intriguing to her. We’re going to discuss personal storytelling in my upcoming posts.
  6. Repeat:  Go back to banter.
    Now that you’ve done one cycle, you’ve guided her from a greeting to fun banter to exploring who she really is to connecting with her emotionally to telling her a story about yourself.  Congratulations – most men don’t make it this far.  Now that she’s fully intrigued, go back to banter and make her laugh again. Don’t let things get too serious in the conversation.  Keep repeating the cycle and every time through you’ll both feel more turned on and more connected.
  7. Ask for the Next Step
    For women, it’s very important that they feel you leading the interaction and moving it forward. Female friends of mine tell me about guys who they stop dating because the guy hasn’t moved the interaction forward through a next conversation, a date, a kiss, something sexual, a relationship, etc.  Usually, another guy comes along and does move things forward. After you’ve repeated the cycle a few times, move things forward.  If it’s your first conversation, tell her you’d like to speak again. If it’s a date, kiss her.

Changing the order of these steps is risky.  Done well, you may be surprised how useful this blueprint will be in making your interactions more fun and more intimate.

In upcoming posts, we’re going to be exploring the art of personal storytelling.