How to Flirt, Part 3: Using Inversion

Now that we’ve covered the importance of being fun and avoiding interviewing the girl, today I’ll give you some examples of how to banter with her using a technique I call Inversion.

Many women, when talking to a new guy, have legitimate concerns:  does he just want sex? Is he going to be a stalker?  The key to good banter is inverting this conventional male / female dynamic to be playful and put her at ease.   To do this, simply invert what you’re expected to say or do.  For instance:

  • Tell her she’s moving WAY too fast and that you like to take things slow, be wined and dined first
  • If she says she likes something (anything — for instance, the color green), tell her you know all about girls who like the color green – they’re trouble and that you swore to yourself you’d never date them again.
  • Give her a funny nickname based on an exaggerated personality trait.  If she tells you she rode a motorcycle once, accuse her of being in a motorcycle gang.  Give her the nickname “Switchblade”.  Then use that nickname later when you talk to her again, “What’s up, Switchblade?”
  • Once you build a good banter going and you’re both comfortable with each other, you can start to joke about sexual topics.  Inversion is one of the most fun ways to do this because it takes pressure off of her.  To use inversion, jokingly accuse her of being only interested in sex.  Tell her you’re not just a piece of meat, but a living breathing human being with feelings too.  Tell her that women never see you for who you are.
  • Tell her you hope that she’s not a stalker.

My friend Alessandro is a natural at this kind of flirting.  Here are some excerpts of a conversation he had recently on Anastasia Date with a woman he liked – notice how he uses inversion to make the conversation fun:

Irina: What are you wanting from our interaction?
Alessandro: i’m wanting you to fly over here and marry me this weekend without getting to know me, and give me millions of dollars so that i never have to work again. EVER.
Alessandro: are you already on the planehahaha
Irina: i am already here! behind your back
Alessandro: whoa — behind me? i’m SO uncomfortable being close to you. this is moving WAY too fast. i like to be wined and dined before you sneak up behind me and put your moves on me.
Irina: too late!

One of the reasons women find this kind of banter attractive is – aside from being fun and humorous – it shows that you understand the dynamics between men and women.  Just make sure it’s funny – if she doesn’t laugh, you’re not doing it right.

Figuring the right time and the right way to use inversion takes a little practice, but it’s usually a great way to amp up the playfulness and to get her laughing.  Next up – I’m going to talk about how to transition from this kind of banter into more meaningful conversation.