How to Flirt, Part 2: Avoid Asking Two Questions in a Row

My last post explored the number one rule of flirting:  be fun before you exchange facts [link back].  Today we’ll cover the single biggest mistake guys make in flirting – whether it’s being done in-person or online.

Natural conversations flow naturally – there’s give and take.  Both people are relaxed and they each take turns talking.  Value flows in both directions.  But sometimes when you start flirting with a woman (online or offline), you get nervous and you can’t think of anything to say.  That’s when you make the biggest mistake men make in flirting:  you resort to asking her a series of questions to keep the conversation going.

Getting interviewed by a guy is not attractive to women.  You’re not making her life more fun, or making her laugh, or telling her anything interesting.  You’re offering no value.  She can feel how unnatural the conversation is, and her mind races forward to a date with you, where conversation is equally uninteresting.  What usually happens is she’ll give you a little time to fix the conversation, and then she’ll create an excuse to end it.

Consider the difference between these two online conversations:

Man:  Do you like living in Kharkov?
Woman:  Yes, I like it.  I’ve lived here my whole life.
Man:  Do you have lots of family there?
Woman:  I have parents and cousins that live here too.
Man:  Nice.  What is it like there?
Woman:  It is okay.  I go to school and work.
Man:  Sounds cool.  What do you study in school?
Woman:  I study psychology.
Man:  What do you do for work?

This conversation is painful to read.  The man is not providing her any value in this conversation or making her life any more fun by talking to her.  He’s clearly attracted to her and just trying to keep the conversation going.  You can feel her getting bored – and she’s certainly not going to open up to him. Worst of all, it’s not genuine – he’s not really interested in the answers.

Women want a man they can feel comfortable talking to – the kind of guy who has experiences to share with her and who makes her laugh.

Your tip for today:  if you can avoid it, never, ever ask a woman two questions in a row.  Always respond with a statement or a brief story – give her something of value – before you ask another question.   Practice this skill, as it’s one of the most important skills in flirting:

Man:  Do you like living in Kharkov?
Woman:  Yes, I like it.  I’ve lived here my whole life.
Man:  That’s cool.  You must know the city really well.  I’ve lived in [my city] for several years, but I always push myself to find new things.  Last week my friends and I found a new bar that carries rare whiskies, one of my favorite things.
Woman:  Nice.
Man:  What new things in the city have you done lately?
Woman:  I went to a wine tasting last week with my friends.  We drank a lot. J
Man:  Really?  So I guess you’re qualified to be my personal wine expert.  If you get hired, you’re going to wear an apron and present me with one wine every day to taste, with advice.  You start tomorrow.  I hope you’re well rested.
Woman:  LOL.  I’m no expert.  You might not want my recommendations.
Man:  I’m a very strict employer.  You will be fired for any mistakes, so bring your A game.  J  What kind of wine do you prefer, red or white?

You can see how this conversation is a lot more fluid and fun, partly because the man is contributing to the conversation, which puts her at ease.  Very quickly, she has learned several things about him:  he is social, he likes exploring new attractions in a city, he likes wine, and he’s not too nervous or boring to joke around with her.

This takes a bit of practice, especially when you’re nervous talking to a charming and beautiful woman you just met.  But live chatting on AnastasiaDate is perfect for this kind of practice.  Just remember the rule — never ask a next question until you’ve added some value – and you’ll force yourself to start interacting in a rhythm that’s natural, attractive, and helps her feel connected to you.