How to Flirt, Part 1: Start with Banter, Not Facts

When you meet a woman — online or offline – there’s always the question of “What do I say in order to attract her?”

Most men start by asking the woman a few facts about herself: where are you from? What’s that accent? What do you do? Then, the men respond by sharing facts about themselves: where they live, what they do for fun, their occupation.  Deep down, the guys hope that the woman will find some commonality and think that the facts of his lifestyle are attractive. There’s one major problem with this:  women are biologically wired to be attracted to the emotions you make them feel, not facts about you.

To women, that fact-based conversation is boring.  They’ve had it a hundred times with a hundred other guys.  You, though, are going to be different.

Always start a conversation with banter — make it fun. Consider the difference between these two online chat conversations:

Guy: hello
Girl: hello
Guy: how are you?
Girl: fine. How are you?
Guy:  good.  I see you are from Kharkov.  What’s it like in Kharkov?
Girl: it’s okay. Kind of boring but nightlife is okay.

That conversation has not stirred a single emotion in her. And she’s had it with so many other guys. You don’t stand out — and you’re not fun.  Consider this conversation:

Guy: hello
Girl: hello
Guy: [notices profile photo of girl holding lobster] I can’t believe you dated the lobster in that photo. He’s so much shorter than you.
Girl:  haha. It was a brief relationship.
Guy: I don’t want to suffer the same fate as he did.  I can tell you’re a dangerous woman.
Girl: you better watch out

The second conversation is a guy who is fun to be around, relaxed, and not concerned about being too serious or impressing the girl with facts about himself.

In our next few blog posts, we’re going to break down specific techniques and ways to make conversations fun – for both of you. With these, you’ll be very likely to get the conversation started on the right foot – so that she’s interested enough in you to explore the facts & meaningful conversation later.