When to Use Personal Storytelling

Beautiful portrait of young man lips

In an earlier post, The Blueprint for Flirting, one of the key stages (number 5) involves telling a personal story.  Women can become very absorbed in a story, and telling a good story is one of the most important, versatile skills in a gentleman’s life. Today, I’ll be giving you some tips on how and when to use personal stories in your dating life.

A good, two-minute personal story is crucial for doing several things:

  • It expresses your unique personality very powerfully – and very quickly.  Most of the time in flirting (online or offline), you want to build a strong connection quickly – you don’t have much time. A good personal story can show her what kind of man you are:  considerate, adventurous, traveled, principled, fun.  In two minutes, she’ll get it.  And since it’s in story form, she’ll remember it forever.
  • It assures her that she doesn’t have to do all the talking.  When you begin flirting with a woman, she’s always a little bit nervous that conversation will run out and things will get awkward.  By telling her a personal story that lasts for a couple minutes, she can relax knowing that you’re going to lead the interaction and make it interesting.
  • It gives you confidence that you’ll have something to say.  Many guys get nervous that they’ll run out of things to say.  When you have a few good personal stories in your back pocket, you can find ways to work them into conversation.  If you ever run out of things to say, simply tell her one of your personal stories to pick conversation back up.
  • It smoothly makes key transition points less awkward.  There are moments with a woman that can get awkward if no one’s talking.  For instance, if you’re waiting for a bartender or restaurant server.  Or if you’ve both agreed to go home together and you’re walking to your car or a taxi.  Or if she’s in your home for the first time.  The personal story is a way to focus you both on something other than the potential awkwardness.

You can see how crucial these moments are for a gentleman:  the first conversation, the times when you quickly need to express who you are, and in those transition points.

Here are some keys to telling good personal stories:

  • Subject matter
  • A time when you did or saw something unusual and fun.  It’s naturally interesting – and it shows that you know how to have fun in life and step out of the norm.
    • Example:  “I recently saw a guy dressed very unusually. I couldn’t figure out if he was a model straight off the Milan runway or a homeless man.  Let me tell you what he was wearing….”
    • A time when something funny happened when you were travelling. It shows that you explore the world and can handle when things don’t go according to plan. Travel is always a good conversation because it usually leads to more conversation (about when she was traveling, etc.)
      • Example:  “My friends and I were in Sicily earlier this year and we were in these small towns that were very uneventful.  But one night, we were in this outdoor café and we heard this pop music playing in the distance.  So we followed it to see what it was….”
      • Something social you did recently.  This shows that you’re doing fun things in life – fun things that she might want to join you for.
        • Example:  “I recently rode my first mechanical bull, and it didn’t go as I expected…”
  • Set up a tension and then resolve it.  Note how each of the above personal stories begins by setting up a tension that leaves you wondering how it resolves. This is the key to keeping her interested.
  • Keep it short.  Women, like everyone, have short attention spans. Don’t digress. Don’t add extra details. Your job here isn’t to tell the most complete story possible – it’s to tell her a story that expresses your life and intrigues her.
  • Don’t brag.  Many men make the mistake of telling stories that make them look heroic. This is actually unattractive to women because they can feel you trying to impress them – which isn’t something a confident man needs to do. For instance, it’s a better story to have been thrown off the mechanical bull than to have won a contest.  She’ll respect you for having done something fun – and the fact you’ll tell her that you were thrown off shows that you’re confident enough and you don’t need to impress her.

Having good personal stories is one of the most important things you can do as a gentleman – and will take your flirting and social interactions to the next level.  In my next post, I’m going to talk about how your lifestyle can make sure you always have personal stories to share with women.